Delayed Ejaculation happens when the ejaculatory reflex is ‘over inhibited’ – the threshold to orgasm is high to gain. Men suffering from delayed ejaculation tend to feel sexual desire and arousal; they can gain and sustain an erection. Sexual arousal can build up to a point where you feel close to climaxing, but it won’t happen, even after one hour of thrusting at the time of intercourse. This can leave you feeling starved of closeness to your partner and missing that release of tension and relaxation, that reaching orgasm can bring.
Men may have suffered from delayed ejaculation since they were sexually active or it may have started gradually. Men with psychologically induced DE figure out that it only happens during penetrative sexual sessions with their partner. Masturbation on their own, with a partner masturbating them, or even oral sex may often lead to a fulfilling orgasm & even ejaculation.
Delayed ejaculation and relationships
DE can lead to the avoidance of sexual intercourse and relationships. If you are left feeling frustrated each time you perform a sexual session, it’s understandable that you’d tend not to participate in sexual activity in the future. Your partner may feel that you don’t find them sexually stimulating, or that they are quite unromantic.
This is likely not the case, but rectifying the actual cause of the problem can be quite sensitive and far from simple. DE can lead you and your partner to become physically sore post lengthy penetrative sexual sessions. Using plenty of lubricants can surely help.
What causes delayed ejaculation?
DE can happen because of physical issues, psychological issues, or even both. Physical causes of delayed ejaculation can be as follows and many of the conditions can contribute to DE:
- Multiple sclerosis
- Spinal cord injury
- Bladder and prostate surgery
Few of the substances: anti-depressants, blood pressure treatment like Beta Blockers, antipsychotic drugs, muscle relaxants, strong painkillers, recreational drugs, steroids, and alcohol.
Aging can also have a major role to play. The penile may lose its sensitivity with age and testosterone levels does down in older men, slowing the process of arousal. Equally, a female partner’s vagina may become slacker with growing age, providing a small amount of sensation at the time of penetrative sex. Pelvic floor workouts are a nicer way for women to sustain the condition of the muscles around the vagina.
If you have adopted a fixed style of masturbation, with a very strong handgrip and vigorous movement, a sexual session with a partner might not be as stimulating for you. Pinpointing the reason for your DE can be tough, and this is why you’re encouraged to talk about any concerns with your GP. If pornography is the only route to ejaculation, make sure to try various ways to get aroused (without porn). Make sure to find out and explore how you like to be touched, focusing on all your physical senses, and noting what temperatures, textures, and pressures you enjoy.
If you are practiced at ‘edging’ then the technique where you hold back from orgasm for as long as possible, whilst watching porn, you might have conditioned yourself not to ejaculate quite easily.
Extend your overall time between masturbating & partnered sex
Masturbating frequently may cause your body to not be ready to ejaculate again and again by the time you perform sex. Talk about how DE makes you feel, either with a partner or a friend. With a partner, discuss both your fears & even your anxieties. Talking can lead to trust and openness, a lack of which might be sustaining the problem.
Reduce your stress and anxiety levels
Daily and regular physical workouts, exercising with peace of mind, and cutting down on alcohol can have a very positive and huge impact. If you have been witnessing DE many a time, for at least six months & it is causing you distress, visit your GP right away.
Explore what sexually stimulates you
It may be that you need quite more intense or varied stimulation to reach orgasm. You may benefit from watching some porn, looking at erotic images or literature, or using sex toys such as vibrating devices and masturbation sleeves, cups, or strokers. There are specific devices made available to help provoke ejaculation, through the stimulation of penile vibratory. These can be incorporated into sex with your partner and can liven things up for them too.
Focus on the moment
Don’t make ejaculation or orgasm your ultimate goal at the time of sexual intercourse. Try to relax, enjoy the whole process, and don’t think about how hard it’s going to end.
With a partner try alternating between masturbation and penetration
Masturbate very close to the entrance of your partner’s vagina/anus/mouth (whichever opening seems to cause you this problem) and when you feel ready to orgasm, or just before, insert your penile. This will get you used to ejaculating inside your partner.
Try the ‘In-Method’
If you witnessing DE with only your partnered sex, then there is a 5-step method that has been designed to bridge that gap between only you being able to stimulate yourself to orgasm.
- Begin stimulation with your penis in your hand.
- Allow your partner to penile area your penile with their hand.
- Insert your penile into your partner’s vagina/anus/mouth, whilst holding you’re penile at the same time.
- Insert your penile area into your partner, this time with them holding your penis.
- Insert your penis into your partner without holding it for a long.
Find some alternative routes to arousal
If pornography sexual act is the only route to ejaculation, make sure to try different ways to get aroused (without porn). Explore how you like to be touched, focusing on all your physical senses, and noticing what temperatures, textures, and pressures you enjoy.